2 Things I Should Say More Often

We all have different characters and personalities. Some of us were blessed with assertiveness, a no-nonsense attitude which allows us to avoid all sorts of stupid situations. Some of us, however, weren’t so lucky. I am one of those people. There are so many things that determine your character as you grow and pass through the phases of life – all stemming from your family environment, because those are the first people you’re exposed to. When I think of my life so far, I notice that there are two statements which are strong, yet I have barely said. 

“I LOVE YOU”

I’ve not been involved romantically with people that much. All I have is a string of crushes that would never have gone anywhere to my name. When I think of my ‘love’ life, it’s nothing to really write home about. It’s nothing like the teen romance novels filled with heartbreaks and bad choices – it’s just there.

As a mostly awkward, introverted black girl who spent most of her teen years in a different country, I only have a series of crushes and awkward moments to look back on. I’m actually kind of happy about that – I wouldn’t like a situation where I get married and I have like 10 people who I dated in the past. It feels a bit invasive to have that many people who have known you intimately as a girlfriend.

Is I Love You Just For Couples?

Either way, saying I love you extends far beyond romantic relationships – it all starts at home. I can honestly say I’ve never been told I love you, and I’ve never said the statement to anybody in my family. It’s just one of those things – I guess you could say we’re not the type to display affection. We have people like my pastor who says ‘I love you‘ to his wife and sons and receives the statement back. People who can show affection in the way of hugs, head rubs and whatnot to other family members. I can hug, but I don’t hug my immediate family members. 

I love you‘ is one of the things to say more often because it makes you feel better inside. It makes you have this feeling that you’re appreciated – loved. Yet, when I say it to my friends or whoever, it’s always got this comedic undertone to it, because it’s such a foreign statement to me. I remember once my pastor tried to challenge me to say “I love you” to my mother, and when I attempted it, it felt like my mouth was going to fall off. It’s that bad. Don’t burn me at a stake, it’s just how it is.

“NO”

No is a powerful statement. It’s very strong – and it just happens also that it sounds foreign coming out of my mouth. I don’t know if it’s the way I was brought up, or my personality type, but I find it very hard to say no! I’m the type of person that easily gets nervous, I have a tendency to want to please.

Be it going to price an item at the market/an online store when I know I don’t have the money, and ending up getting it out of guilt that I wasted the persons’ time, or rejecting unwanted conversations and interactions with people. I find it hard to say no when I’m asked to do something. I mean, in the home when your parents send you on an errand you can sigh all you want but you’d have to do it. When it comes to decision making, I’m the absolute worst at it. I let people decide things for me, and it’s a bad habit.

I’m a pretty docile person though I’m trying to change that so I don’t end up a pushover. I’m quiet and calculated, I prefer to just be in the background, listening in to the conversations all around me. I feel so frustrated that I can’t make my own decisions – especially major ones. At least, creating a blog was a decision I made on my own – and I was proud of it. 

Saying No Makes Me Feel Guilty

No is one of the things to say more often because it shows assertiveness, and it allows for you to make a choice. Of course, saying yes is also a choice but no has more weight to it. I feel like it’s easier to say yes than no – if you disagree, do share in the comments!

Why does no feel so weird to say? If someone asks you to do something and you say no, why do you end up feeling guilty even if you don’t want to do it? I think a lot of people face this challenge like me -saying no to friends requests e.g. paying for expensive asoebi during weddings, saying no to going out on an expensive lunch or dinner date.

I think the day I master saying no effectively without any emotions attached, I’ll become a better person. It’s because all these years of just agreeing whether verbally or silently have led to a lot of conflicts within – where would I be if I had said no to certain things? I know for one I’d have peace of mind and be 5x richer than I am now, at least.

Either way, these are the two statements I just can’t say, but am trying to get myself to say more.

What statements do you wish you could say more?

Amaka

A young girl trying to maneuver through life, while being an absolute weirdo with a wild imagination. I love Pinterest & Instagram and claim to love food although I barely eat.

6 thoughts on “2 Things I Should Say More Often

  1. I’m an abuser of ‘I love you’. I use it when I’m excited, when my girlfriends does something amazing for me or when I’m with family. The way I say it, it’s alreasy devoid of any romantic attachment.

    So I may just find another way to my partner in future.

    As for No, in consciously learning how to say ‘No’ often. At some point I did very well and applauded myself but the guilt feeling is always killing me and I don’t even know which is worse anymore.

    Overall, I love this post. People are quite different and we don’t react to things the same way.

  2. As humans, we react to things and show affection differently. The most important thing is for your genuine intentions to radiate. But then those three words are the most difficult for me to say ‘I and love and you’.

  3. I loved reading this post and loved how open you were.

    We are so different. I’ve had relationships, really serious ones and I love you has always come easily to me. Well, I’m glad I shared my life with people in the past because I can proudly say I have felt different types of love. I’ve always been particular about people I call boyfriends and the few I’ve been with were amazing. To be honest who I am today is as a result of their molding. I come from a big family so I grew up so used to hugs, cuddles, kisses and I love yous. Maybe that’s what has made me so open to love.

    As for saying No I’m the queen. Growing up my mum was so strict and she sort of put that in me. I learned how to say NO.

    These two things are actually important and I’m glad you wrote about it and you’re learning to say them more often. All the best. For the I love you part, the only person I had difficulty saying it to was my dad. How I overcame that, I started with messages and calls. Ending the text or call with I love you. As I got used to that saying it became easier.

    http://www.theblackwriter.co

    1. Wow the Black Writer herself has graced my blog comment section! I am in awe and total appreciation. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and knowledge – especially telling your father I love you and all. You’re lucky to have even grown up in an environment that easily encourages displays of affection, honestly. As for the boyfriends bit, glad to hear it made you into who you are today, but I still don’t like the idea of more than 1 or 2 people knowing me in such a capacity – but I guess life happens lol! Thank you for commenting!

  4. I don’t say I love you enough. I’m a lot better now tho I too come from a similar family and that is part of it. But my lover comes from the exact opposite. Their display of affection used to make me a bit uncomfortable in the beginning but now I’m okay, in fact I’m grateful for it

    But ‘No’ I have no problem with. I’m not the most emotional intelligent person for starters and I’m also too logical and overall assertive sometimes. So as you can imagine saying No is not a problem for me most times.

    I love your writing style Amaka…xx

    http://www.sunlightdreamer.com

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