The Style Edit: Inhibitions
Welcome to The Style Edit, my personal style diary. If you haven’t read the first chapter (here), check it out! That is basically the first page of this style diary. I consider myself to have an “aunty” style. Think that one nosy family member who always has something to say but can’t get her life together, with her outdated look. When I’m not outchea’ looking like an aunty, I’m just head to toe in lazily thrown together drab. Anyway, I realize that I’ve been too conservative.
Note: I can’t believe I’m posting for the 4th time this week, it’s actually scary! I guess I should just appreciate the writing juices while they last. School starts again next week!
Maybe not, because at 19, I don’t exactly expect everyone to become one who owns and knows their style. I’m still trying to figure out my life, and my style just happens to be part of my life. Quotes say ‘dress to impress’ and ‘dress how you want to be addressed’, and I’m tired of slacking. So, my love for clothes and basically having a retail lust, in addition to liking nicely captured photos, has led to this documentation.
I’ll try things I’ve always wanted to try, things I’ve hated, things I’ve always liked, and also put a spin on things I’m used to. It’s all about clicking a massive edit button on my wardrobe.
Though I believe I am quite creative and can bring good pieces together to make a great outfit, I have inhibitions. These inhibitions are deep, and they have turned from thoughts and words to chains on my hands, feet and mind. My inhibitions come in 3 forms:
In my head, outfit ideas flash and fade away, think those old school cameras with their bright flashes. I don’t get the ideas down quickly enough, and they sizzle into the air, unused. Here is an example of one of such situations:
It’s 5:00AM on a Sunday morning. I drag myself out of bed, then slug around until around 6.45AM or later which is when I decide to start getting ready for church. I go and wake up my other family members, but they will likely go back to sleep and wake up just after 7.
I didn’t bring out my outfit the night before, or have any major plan. So here I am, standing in front of my cluttered wardrobe, having just showered. I’m aware that time is going, and soon, 7.30 shamefully comes and passes me by. If I was disciplined, I’d be in church by 7.15, just in time for church to start at 7.30. I finger through all my clothes, wondering what I should throw on.
I touch a few pieces and ideas come, but I brush them off, opting for the usual “aunty” style: black skirt, a random top (usually my blue ankara peplum or some long-sleeve chiffon, sometimes paired with a blazer), and flats. I then attempt to wrap my head with one of my extremely long scarves, ending up looking like I was vomitted into the wrong era. At least I wore clothes. At least I’m finally out of the house. Maybe next week I’ll try better.
And the cycle continues.
The other day, I posted this photo to my Instagram page (here). In my caption, I expressed how I had attempted to have a little shoot to show off my gingham top recently bought, and yet my confidence diminished as I looked through each photo. I felt like the top was hanging off me, and I just disliked my skinny frame in that moment. This is the only photo I semi-like.
The road to self confidence for me has been quite bumpy, and I’m still travelling that road. Most days I’m marvelling at my flat stomach and being happy, then other days I can’t seem to comprehend why cameras hate me.
So yeah, self confidence is definitely one of my biggest roadblocks when it comes to style. I feel I’ll look out of place or the clothing will only emphasise how skinny I am: a result which is not favourable at all.
The biggest one! I see so many style bloggers post all these amazing outfits, and I feel a bit envious of their freedom because they seem to have their style figured out. If I decide to wear something out of the norm, all I get is “what are you wearing” and “what do you think you look like?”
I also get the jabs and roasts, the poking at my skinny frame and whatnot. All these things have just caused my enthusiasm to thin out, and I find myself wishing I could be in a place where I could feely express myself. I’m like a caged bird, looking out into the world while behind bars. I feel so locked down, like I can’t shake off the funk. However, I want to change that!
Now that I’ve brought these inhibitions into the open, I hope I can begin to shun them in order to let myself out of the shackles. I really want to explore, but I feel so reluctant and lazy, feeling what’s the point? I really want to discover, I want to know what works for me, and what doesn’t.
Let me get to brainstorming style ideas. I believe style posts are quite interesting, it’s like having your stashed away dreams of becoming a model come to life, for at least a few shots.
Have you got your style figured out? What do you think your style is? Is there anything restricting you from expressing yourself fully? For those who do style posts, how do you plan them?