My 5 Body Insecurities
Is there honestly anyone in the world that can boast of having no body insecurities? I don’t care how satisfied you are with your body, there’s definitely going to be something you wish wasn’t there, or that you could at least improve in some kind of way – I’m not just talking surgery, because surgery doesn’t fix everything.
I’ve been seeing several posts relating to insecurities flying around lately. One which I found heavily relatable as that of Funke Olotu where she talked on her battle with acne. Acne is the worst! I wish acne never existed – why does it exist in the first place? What purpose does it serve exactly? Just a bunch of annoying bumps on your face which can sometimes be quite painful.
Acne distorts your view of yourself, and when it moves into your face with fellow sisters dark spots and hyper pigmentation, it can quickly become one of your body insecurities. It definitely is mine. Mine is genetic, but I guess you can say lifestyle factors come into play – my diet isn’t spick and span and I unfortunately indulge in various oily foods while finding vegetables disgusting. Go figure.
I look at magazines and photos on social media, and I see clear faces. I feel envy when I see women who have clear skin – like they don’t realise how lucky they are! What wouldn’t I give to one day wake up, brush my fingers over my face and feel nothing but bump free? It doesn’t help when skincare brands share pictures of people who have clear skin using their products – in my head I’m always like ‘this b already has clear skin! Stop the torture!’
My face has two sides to it – my good side and bad side, as I like to say. On my good side, which is the left side of my face, it’s basically spotless. The skin there is so smooth and makes me so happy, when I use that side in photos, I look so awesome. On the other hand, the right side of my face is irritating and a constant source of problems. It has all the pimples and dark spots and acne scars, coupled with my forehead and recently my chin and under chin. It makes me so upset, and the only solace I find is in foundation. Foundations are the most important part of my makeup bag, because a foundation helps to get me close to being smooth-faced. I know, ultimately makeup isn’t the solver of all problems and skin care is what all the investment should go into, but give a girl a break!
Another one of my major body insecurities is, unfortunately, my dentition. You know the most messed up thing? The left side of my face is my best side, and the right side of my face is the one where acne camps away happily in. Yet, it is the left side of my teeth that has ‘the one’. ‘The one’ is that one tooth that sticks out. I guess you could say it was caused by having too many teeth, so much to the point where one just sticks out awkwardly.
I hate it because it affects my smile and makes my mouth look weird – I already have big lips, I don’t need some weird tooth throwing me off balance. It really is annoying and I have shied away from photos in the past because of it. It’s either I hide from the camera, or I don’t smile at all. Thankfully I’m trying to see things in a better light, practicing my smile in the mirror so I have the best smile that doesn’t allow my teeth betray me. Yet of course, laughing out loud exposes us all!
I remember at some point during my early teens, there were a lot of forehead jokes going on – Rihanna was one of the continuous points of references because of her famous “five-head”. I remember once putting my fingers on my head after reading a particular post, recoiling in horror when I realised my forehead was big. The post had something to do with your forehead being too big if four fingers covered it or something starting from your brow area. It was really messed up.
Though I don’t flinch much, having a big forehead makes me shy away from certain hairstyles because of the fear of the forehead. I’ve stuck to braids and weaves which allow me to hide with ease, like a hair curtain. Yet, I have grown tired of such hairstyles, and want to experiment more! In fact, my current hairstyle gave me the most confidence I’ve ever had, and you know what? There was no where for my forehead to hide!
Okay, with my derreriere I can have good days and bad days. Don’t get me wrong, I love my body as a whole as in my physique, but sometimes I long for a more ‘present’ backside, if you know what I mean! Heck, I’m pretty sure if they were marking attendance for body parts and my butt shouted ‘present!’ it would still be marked absent because it’s not visible. Thus, my bum is one of my body insecurities.
I have been teased a lot about my lack of butt, and it’s really made me feel down in the past, but as I grow older I’m owning it. The teasing, though mostly innocent, had me doing things like 30 day squat challenges (which I start but never finish) and even considering Apetamin weight gaining supplements.
Then again, I remember I’m lazy and life goes on, but perhaps one day I’ll make a significant lifestyle change. I love hourglass shapes but have a preference for small chest, big/decent backside. I don’t like the thought of being ‘top heavy’ and struggling with chest pain – thus, I’ll never complain about my mandarins (if you know what I mean, lmao). And, I very much like wearing only barrettes all day every day, thank you.
On a heavier note, my dandruff is one of my biggest body insecurities. It’s just so prominent and there! As someone who really doesn’t have a rigorous hair care routine, it can really punch your confidence. I know you can’t really see the speckles of dandruff in photos but when you get close up, you can.
READ: Of Lice and Men
It doesn’t matter how much the hair is washed, the dandruff always comes back – of course dandruff always comes back, but mine returns pretty quickly. Give it a few days. It never used to be like this, but somehow my hair just started going crazy. It makes my scalp incredibly itchy and sometimes at night I contemplate shaving all my hair off completely and going bald – it’s that bad.
Dandruff, like my acne, made me shy away from certain hairstyles. You know, those braided hairstyles that make your scalp visible to the whole world because of how neatly done the braids are. Sometimes I don’t care, but other times, I really do. That’s why wigs and weaves were the go-to for a long time, and I preferred ‘bob marley’ style when it came to braids. I’m hoping to solve this problem of mine soon and improve my hair regimen, but it’s not going to be easy. I also hope to find products that will help me – organic products, preferably. If you know any brands, or if you make such products and are willing to help, do leave a comment below!
At the end of the day, most of my problems can be fixed with money and a lifestyle upgrade. By getting money, I can invest in skincare products and healthier food options to make sure all is clear on the inside and outside. Yet, my genes will always trump in the end. I can always start doing squats and working out properly to get the brazillian butt of my dreams, and braces are a thing. Yet, these things cost money. Unfortunately there’s no forehead transplants available or a way to customise your hairline apart from with wigs/lace fronts, so we continue managing! These body insecurities mattered so much before, but now, I can live with them (except the acne, I NEED IT GONE NOW).